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Truss, Holly and Phil and MPs inspire UK’s best Christmas cracker jokes


In keeping with tradition, jokes chosen by Gold TV poll more likely to elicit groans of despair than laughter

Jokes about Phil Schofield, Liz Truss, and the cost of living crisis are among the best contemporary Christmas cracker jokes selected by the British public in an annual poll.

The vote asked members of the public to vote on a shortlist of 10 modern jokes considered as being worthy of inclusion in a cracker. In keeping with festive tradition, the jokes are more likely to elicit deep groans of despair at their attempted wordplay rather than a sincere cackle.

Why does Kate Bush need to turn the heating off? She’s running up that bill

How did King Charles III sign his Christmas cards to his family? The Artist Formerly Known as Prince

What’s the difference between Liz Truss and a shepherd? One U-turns and the other turns ewes

Why are Will Smith and Chris Rock not having turkey this Christmas? Because they’ve got beef

Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints

What crisps do Phil and Holly serve at their Christmas party? Skips

Why are the government having problems with their own version of the Christmas Nativity? They can’t find three wise men

What do people heating their homes and wrapping paper have in common this Christmas? Both of them are getting ripped off

How can you keep your home warm this Christmas? Tinsulation

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